Jul 2008
Bee-Youch!
I
heard a girl scream this at a guy last night while I
was pounding some margaritas at a bar called Durty
Nelly's. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to drink
margaritas at a pub, but the waitress looked like Meg
Ryan before botox turned her into The Joker via Heath
Ledger, so I went for the high priced alcohol on her
recommendation.
Here's the line that stopped the bar cold: "I may be a bitch, David, but I'm not YOUR bitch!!!" Then she flipped him off and ran out.
I shoulda bought her a drink. That was classic. David looked like he was shitting his pants after everyone turned around to look at him. Not a "manly" way to end the evening, if I do say so myself. He should have given everyone the thumbs up, and then ordered a round for the bar. Instead, he pussed out.
I'll bet he started menstruating an hour later.
Here's the line that stopped the bar cold: "I may be a bitch, David, but I'm not YOUR bitch!!!" Then she flipped him off and ran out.
I shoulda bought her a drink. That was classic. David looked like he was shitting his pants after everyone turned around to look at him. Not a "manly" way to end the evening, if I do say so myself. He should have given everyone the thumbs up, and then ordered a round for the bar. Instead, he pussed out.
I'll bet he started menstruating an hour later.
Achey Breaky Tart
Is
it just me or should Billy Ray Cyrus stop letting his
jailbait breadwinning daughter pose for photographs?
This guy is like the Larry Flynt of dads--and not a
guy's dad. That would be cool, but his kid is his
daughter, and right now she's just a couple of
paychecks away from a Hustler centerfold. If you're
going to pimp out your kid, go back and do it from
the privacy of your trailer park, not in a national
magazine.
"Jesus is coming . . . so pick up a pizza and a six-pack on your way home."
"Jesus is coming . . . so pick up a pizza and a six-pack on your way home."
Fly By Night
Man,
it's summer, and I barely have time to breathe. Who
would have expected that Tampa would be kicking
everybody's ass? I've been on more flights to the
East Coast than Guy Ritchie trying to prove that his
wife is still banging him.
"If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy. And really tasty."
"If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy. And really tasty."
Rod Man
Man,
you go away for two weeks and the world goes wild. I
got two weeks off in advance of the All-Star Game and
thought the world would be nice and quiet. Fourth of
July, dog days of summer, all that stuff. Then Alex
Rodriguez goes and nails Madonna. Come on
A-Rod---emphasis on "rod"---you can do better than
her. Hell, Madonna's had so many big athletes I'll
bet her vag flaps in the wind. And that includes
another Rod-man, the former NBA cross-dresser known
as Dennis Rodman.
Then we get supermodel Christie Brinkley going to court to rake her ex-husband over the coals. The kicker? Her husband needed porn to get in the mood with her. Hey Peter, millions of men in America have used pictures of your wife as their porn. Are you out of your fucking mind? $3000 a month to get in the mood with a woman who regularly inspires masturbatory fantasies in the rest of the population?
My guess? The guy's downloading pictures of kids from "High School Musical" and that's about all that does it for him. Of course, Christie goes through husbands as quickly as Madonna goes through dental dams, so maybe it's not all his fault.
Then we get supermodel Christie Brinkley going to court to rake her ex-husband over the coals. The kicker? Her husband needed porn to get in the mood with her. Hey Peter, millions of men in America have used pictures of your wife as their porn. Are you out of your fucking mind? $3000 a month to get in the mood with a woman who regularly inspires masturbatory fantasies in the rest of the population?
My guess? The guy's downloading pictures of kids from "High School Musical" and that's about all that does it for him. Of course, Christie goes through husbands as quickly as Madonna goes through dental dams, so maybe it's not all his fault.
