Aug 2008
Golden Whatevers
Michael
Phelps -- what can you say? I've been covering sports
for almost a decade, and this guy kicks just about
everybody's ass that I've ever seen in any
sport--including the pros. 8 golds. Nobody comes
close to this guy in attitude and performance.
It's great that he isn't in a sport like basketball where some agent would make him a two-dollar whore by the time the last bell dings in Beijing.
Meanwhile, can someone please go kick some sense into wannabee dentist Mark Spitz? If I have listen to how he could have won all these events with both hands tied behind his moustache one more time, I will personally head down to Florida and strap him to Mary Lou Retton so they can scream out their winning scores while they pleasure each other. Enough of these two -- they're less relevant than Caesar Augustus. Or Madonna.
It's great that he isn't in a sport like basketball where some agent would make him a two-dollar whore by the time the last bell dings in Beijing.
Meanwhile, can someone please go kick some sense into wannabee dentist Mark Spitz? If I have listen to how he could have won all these events with both hands tied behind his moustache one more time, I will personally head down to Florida and strap him to Mary Lou Retton so they can scream out their winning scores while they pleasure each other. Enough of these two -- they're less relevant than Caesar Augustus. Or Madonna.
Beaten Senseless
McHale's
Navy star Ernest Borgnine--also a star of the
original ship disaster flick, "The Poseidon
Adventure"--told a morning show host ON A LIVE
MICROPHONE that the secret to his youthfulness now
that he's in his 90s is that he beats off a lot.
I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of thing I'd tell my grandpa to help him add a few years to his life. "Gee, Gramps, if you'd whack it like a rabid squirrel from now on, we'd get to spend a lot more time together."
Ernest, you made a stupid statement on live TV, but you've given hope to millions of doddering old guys around the world. Keep beating the bishop and flogging the dolphin and I bet you'll find the fountain (or dribble) of youth.
I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of thing I'd tell my grandpa to help him add a few years to his life. "Gee, Gramps, if you'd whack it like a rabid squirrel from now on, we'd get to spend a lot more time together."
Ernest, you made a stupid statement on live TV, but you've given hope to millions of doddering old guys around the world. Keep beating the bishop and flogging the dolphin and I bet you'll find the fountain (or dribble) of youth.
The Queen's English
Dixon's,
a store in the UK, describes "The MAN Book" like
this:
A manual for information a modern man needs to know. It is designed for every man on the planet who has to survive each day trying to figure out how to be politically correct, how to deal with overbearing significant others, what his boss is really up to, what to wear, what to say, and how to settle bar bets.
Well said. Thanks, lads. I will buy a round of Smithwicks for all of you when, and if, I can ever afford a f#cking flight back to London.
A manual for information a modern man needs to know. It is designed for every man on the planet who has to survive each day trying to figure out how to be politically correct, how to deal with overbearing significant others, what his boss is really up to, what to wear, what to say, and how to settle bar bets.
Well said. Thanks, lads. I will buy a round of Smithwicks for all of you when, and if, I can ever afford a f#cking flight back to London.
